Terminated from my job. After a few rough weeks that seemed to have more downs than ups, I was let go, relieved of my job. Between giving this to God a few weeks ago, and my prayers, I still worry about money, yet I know God still has this and is doing something.
I knew it was coming. It seemed the weeks or rather the past few months lead towards this moment. He printed on the back computer; I peaked in my file on the computer and read “Sherry Termination”. I signed out of programs, closed everything down, and waited. I honestly thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. He walked to the desk, laid down the papers and said “here you go.” In all honesty I do not remember what he said, something to the effect it’s obvious you don’t want to work here and shockingly I did not open the verbal assault I would have done in the past. It was clear my mouth was not controlled by me. I was frank, told him I am tired of him not trusting or believing or thinking I can do anything and I was done with it all and made sure I got my job done each day. Of course he says “Best of luck to you” and I said thank you. And I proceeded to leave….
All those times I wanted to have my verbal assault heard, were words left unsaid and only heard by me and God. God knows me well. He knows my thoughts, my strengths and my weaknesses. God also knows my struggle with all of this. I simply do not understand how a man who says he is a true Christian, prays, has faith and helps others can act like this as a boss of a company. How does a Christian boss say in one breath, we have even been praying for you, and your family during this time (financial struggle) hoping things would get better, but because of your job performance (distorted perception) we are going to reduce your pay by $3 an hour? How does the Christian wife who hasn’t been in the office for months, returns to help and proceeds to talks quite negatively about someone in ear shot but not face to face? Yet at that moment those negative thoughts, that verbal assault I had planned out and so wanted to say, stayed between me and God.
Judging is a weakness of mine that I have asked God to help me with and to take over. God has been reminding me OVER and OVER, we are not to judge. Matthew 7:1-2 says “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” I know at times, as a Christian, I have judged this boss and his wife, based on what I would or would not do. At times, as a Christian, I have deliberately taken my time because I felt I was not being paid what I was worth. God continues to remind me, as you judge them, I see what you do. Just like a child being caught taking a cookie, we see them do it, and they still deny it. We teach them, discipline them and love them, just like God does with us. He teaches us, he disciplines us and he always loves us, REGARDLESS.
God also tells me the verbal assault I so badly wanted to happen is wrong. Colossians 3:8 says: “But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.” And Ephesians 4:29 says: “29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” WOW!! Spouting out what I feel is the truth about these two, is not something I need to do. It all boils down to “if you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” But this has been the battle within for months now, the negative thoughts. God was definitely with me. God heard my negative voice. God took over when I gave it to him. He took control of my voice and my words at that moment, and though I longed for the verbal assault, after the fact I am quite thankful that God had this and God took care of this! Sense of relief that I can now say, I said what was needed, and I wasn’t negative. I can hold my head up high and I regret nothing of that moment.
When I handed this over to God a few weeks ago, I could not have fathomed this outcome. Yet once again God’s “little voice” had to talk to me repeatedly. He kept saying “Are you ready?” until I finally conceded and said “I am nervous and scared but ready. You, God, have this.” Losing a job was not in my plans. Though there is a sense of relief, we still need money to pay for food and monthly bills. I wanted to continue in the most uncomfortable, yet comfortable easy way that brought in money. It was aggravating and mentally exhausting at time, but it was consistent, normal, MY comfort zone.
God has this and is taking me out of my comfort zone. I am scared, excited and nervous about my future. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Once again I am reminded, God has this, he has our future. Jeremiah 10:23 says” O, Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is now in man who walks to direct his own steps.” Clearly God has a path.