Well I asked for this, I asked for God to “unsettle me” – “Goodbye to my remnants, my rationalizations, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am nor who I was created to be. Goodbye to shallow love, sharp words, self-pity, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions. Welcome, deeper love, new possibilities, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.” Lysa TerKeurst – Made to Crave

I had no idea what I was getting myself into with those 2 little words. I could not fathom the journey God would send me on when I asked for this 18 days ago (I think longer, but 18 days ago I posted this) the past, the present and the future. I cannot begin to understand or begin to even grasp his plan for me. Yes he has this,  and yes fear still rears its ugly head

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” God has plans for me, for my family, for every one of us. Has it made this journey any easier, not at all. Being reminded that there are plans, and there’s hope, it offers to ease the pain, knowing in the end the pain will be well worth it.

Proverbs 3:5 tell us “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding.” And Josh 1:9 says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  My trust is in the Lord, my faith is in the Lord and I can honestly say that though these verses offer a peace on this journey to “unsettle me”  it has not been an easy one and there have been difficult times. I do what I have always done…ask ”Why God Why?” to the hard times and then place my burden on my shoulder. Yup, once again carrying my own burden but handing the praises, the thanks right over to God quickly.

Yes, I am quick to offer up thanks for the blessings he has given us, BUT, I am not quick to offer up a thanks for the unsettling rough parts. Instead, I placed that hard part on my shoulder and started to carry alone. Hey it has fit there so why not just do the same thing. God is trying to make a point with me, me, the hardheaded one, the one who doesn’t like to listen the 1st few times he speaks.

As time went by, God softly reminded me to give him my burdens. So I half-heartedly hand over this rough patch, this “burden”. His soft reminder gave way to more of a “hand it over now” reminder that continued to repeat over and over.  I then read a quote “Put your faith in God! He is the only truly stable thing that exists. –Joyce” That came right when I needed it. So I finally with all my heart I gave God this latest burden I chose to carry alone.

Then I read from Jesus Calling: “This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control.” Isaiah 4: 43 reminds us “For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’” Time to let go of this burden….and hold on tighter to God’s hand….