My faith depends on the situation and seems to be unique. It is dependent on my closeness to God and how much of the burden that has been handed over to him.
There are days where faith is like breathing to me. Where I walk in confidence that God is taking care of things without doubt. Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” When I take the time to stop, just for a moment, I am in awe of that feeling, that knowing, that God is here. There is no other feeling like that. Its quite amazing. I wish I could say that I have this type of faith constantly, but I don’t.
There are days where it seems the battles are never ending. Those constant uphill type of days where nothing goes right, completely overwhelmed and emotions all come together allowing my mind to be plagued with doubts and questions. These are the days I wonder where God has gone, yet buried deep in the back of my mind I know he hasn’t forsaken me. Its those days where I struggle with my faith, I know God is pushing my faith. James 1:3 says “Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” In all honesty that doesn’t always bring comfort. I feel distant from God and everyone else. Yeah, like I am the only one in my own little world. The hardest part is the doubts. Yet 2 Corinthians 4:18 reminds me “While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” In the end, while I struggled to maintain my faith, I can say I kept my faith like 2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
Then there are those days where, yes, I am also egotistical. I feel as if I can do anything, and it is those days when it seems God has taken a step back. I will be honest on these days, I think, I’ve got this, I can do this, oh this is all mine and God is not the priority. Has God stepped back or away? Oh no, he is still there, it is me, the “I can do anything” Christian that has pushed God to the side like a child pushing back at a parent for independence. I think of my kids. When we work together and talk, things run smoothly. Then their are the days when my kids show their independent side, pushing you away and you look at them realizing they still need your help but they don’t want it. We the parent have not moved, or stepped back. We have just watched and seen mistakes made, and lessons learned.
Whether I struggle to maintain my faith or have a strong faith, I know God is there, pushing me, testing me and in the end growing my faith and my patience.