Currently I am on a path with an unknown destination..scary? Only a little bit. During this season in our life, we struggle to make ends meet on weekly basis. God has been providing, as always. Even though he provides, there are those last minutes freak out times worrying where the money will come from….yet, God provides and God is here.
Lately I have prayed for focus and direction and I have tried to listen by reducing the unneeded sound, distractions, I face. At this unemployment part in my life, I am trying to figure out which way to go….
Ministry pops up in my mind. I am not a speaker, and getting in front of people truly frightens me. I am too quiet, too worried about making mistake. I am not the “eloquent” speaker or writer. I think of Moses. Exodus 4:10 Moses tells the Lord ““Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” So I question God, requesting proof that this is a path I need to go down. In all honesty I know God does not choose the qualified, he qualifies the chosen. Psalms 32:8 says “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” Yet I continue to seek “proof”…and God continues to show me…
Running my own bookkeeping business also pops up and I question this one as well. Is this my chosen path or is it God’s. I have issues just being controlled by bosses or owners, and God knows this. So I continue to ask for “proof” with this path, God continues to show me….
I currently imagine God up there listening to me, and ready to slam me. I continue to ask for proof over and over, even when proof is given. Much like a co-worker that asks you 10 times how to do that 1 thing…that always drives me crazy. Or the kids who ask over and over, even when the answer is given, over and over….Yet Isaiah 58:11 says “The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” Yet I am like that child, that co-worker, needing to know over and over…..
Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.”
Sometimes emotions get in the way and we can’t hear or see, yet know He is there guiding our steps…