Life is interesting when you put yourself in the passenger seat and let God drive. It has been a few months since I turned to God and gave him my direction. Meaning, I felt completely unfocused with no direction. I felt I was at a job that offered no growth and I was working with negative people. So I gave it to God and well, after being reminded (over and over) that He had that, I let it go. Of course I was reluctant and very unsure, but none the less I handed it over.

I have been given unemployment and also have done some temp jobs here and there. I have gained a few clients, and potentially more, which is great. I was and I am very thankful. My current job, I have been the passenger, and God has been the driver. The current temp job I have is not a bookkeeper and frankly I was tempted to turn it down. (Non-profit…secretarial work…) But let me tell you, as I was trying to verbally tell the temp agency, “no, I don’t think so”, I simply could not mutter those words! I was able to mutter, “yeah, sure but it has to be from 10-3 or 9-3.” So by the 2nd day into it, I looked up and simply said “OK God, not sure why you have me here, but I will go with it.” I am still trying to grasp the reasoning behind me working here, and I cannot. It’s not enough to support my family, it’s not what I wanted to do, yet God has me here. And well here I am, actually liking this job, and still working for this non-profit under the temp agency. I will begin working under this non-profit come July 1st. Job title? Who knows…

As the passenger, the 3rd day into this job was difficult for me. I woke up to my checking account being in the red (negative balance) AND my unemployment check was NOT in my account…I was a bit bothered, ok I was a lot bothered. A negative balance will not feed the family or get gas in my car….not to mention other bills. My faith was low, yet that voice told me to “wait”. As soon as I would doubt my faith, my belief, I heard “wait”, “hold on”…Later that day money came from the temp agency and the next morning my unemployment check made it to my account. God the driver….He is testing my faith…

As time moves on, I still worry about not having enough money. My faith is like a roller coaster, up and down. Yet every time I worry and think about money or health insurance or even about tomorrow that VERY persistent voice will say “Be patient and have faith” to which I respond endurance and hope.

As I struggle with my faith, my belief, He is here. Though I doubt, I can feel Him here and I can hear Him.

God is driving right now and I am a bit scared, but he knows this. Control is gone…it is in His hands, and I am scared of this… He is taking and giving, pointing and pushing, teaching and guiding me continuously…

 

 

 

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