It seems that ever since I have delved deeper into this Proverbs 31 Lady through bible study, my time to slack, relax or be idle, seems to be less and less…”Idle hands are the devil’s workshop” comes to mind…It seems that I move more, and sit down less and less. Most days I feel like I have accomplished my daily goals, and have behaved in a way that God would be pleased….I truly am learning to act and think differently….
Then there are these days where I feel as if nothing was accomplished and my thoughts turn negative or even disrespectful. Tired, grouchy and totally ungrateful…Focus and direction seem to be gone, and thoughts are more on “I” than anything else….I look to God and just ask why…moments when the littlest things pushes my buttons…Asking God why did so-n-so do this or that….
It’s interesting, as I sitting writing this I realize that once again God is telling me something, he’s talking to me…and I have tried to push Him aside. Yep, I have tried to push God aside because I do not want to hear him tell me about my own flaw….Yet God doesn’t go away….Our conversation goes something like this….
God: “Are you being respectful?
Me: “Yes, it just makes me mad…”
God: “No you were not. Your thoughts were angry and disrespectful…”
Me: “Why didn’t he ask my opinion first before saying no…”
God: “Why didn’t you ask his opinion back in Feb?”
Me: “But this is different…”
God: “Nothing different….”
It hasn’t been easy having my flaws pointed out one by one by God… He knows me better than anyone. In all honesty I do not want to see what I need to change, or that I need to do differently because I have been doing it wrong, because I do nothing wrong….Yet He has pointed out my wrongs and has allowed me to see the other side, so that I may change.….
Once again, I asked God to unsettled me…God is picking out my flaws, and cleaning out the cobwebs of my soul, changing me and making me the person He needs me to be.…..