I will be the first to admit, the last thing I tend to focus on during hard times is finding praise somewhere. Yes I am the one who gets neck deep in the trial that I see nothing else. Blinders…it would seem I have blinders on, and crying to everyone about it!….That’s not what God wants…I am so good at placing blame on someone during trials. Let’s be honest, I don’t want to admit its my fault, it’s always someone else’s fault… “I am perfect, and did nothing wrong.” “Others are out to get me…”, and “I am cursed.”
The past few weeks I have learned a bit about myself, and continue to learn more about myself and God’s words in the bible. Frankly getting an honest view of myself, has not been pretty or easy. But definitely needed in order to place me where I need to be. It’s been difficult, and has pushed me to question my own faith. I have wanted to cry “uncle”, request a reprieve and even wanting to say I am just done!! Yet, the strength to endure seems to be refilled when I have reached the end of my rope. I have learned a bit about my weaknesses, and my own flaws. I now know how to better myself God’s way. Through it all, I will continue to praise and thank God.
Money also has been very tight, bills behind, partial paid, etc. My grocery budget has been cut by 1/3rd. For those needing a visual, it used to be $150 – $175, and now its $100 (if I am lucky). For a family of 5 it’s quite a challenge. No eating out, no extras… I could sit and complain to all about it, but seriously, complaining about it hasn’t even crossed my mind. Honestly complaining would take away from God’s glory.
For over a month God has amazed me by providing for us! I have spent less than $100 each week to feed us. Frankly there hasn’t been much of a choice. It’s what has been left. Well, let me rephrase that, it is what God has given me to spend on groceries. (God knows me well when it comes to money). Each week I take that amount and end up with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks for all of us. Each week I can’t complain, all I can do is humbly, wholeheartedly thank God.
I have always searched hard to find praise through trials….looking for the rainbow during the rain. I never had the faith or the eyes to really see the praise during trials. I think I was looking too hard with blinders on. Thankfully I have been blessed to see God’s Glory at least weekly.
I do not know if I am getting any closer to that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. (I hope I am) But until I have, I will continue to praise God through this storm….