It seems I have slacked again on my blog….Honestly I just didn’t know what to write or how to put into words what my thoughts have been.
The past few weeks I once again have struggled with my faith, my belief. I have had that nagging little voice in the back of my head telling me “See God couldn’t possibly hear all of us.” Or “A logical, analytical mind cannot be a Christian as well.” Or “Parts of the Bible just seem to be quite exaggerated that it cannot be real.”
Oh these sentences can go on and on. For weeks as I have been the doubting Thomas, and the one of little faith, but I have also dug deeper into Gods words. I cannot say that God’s words were like magic and fixed my doubts, my fears, my beliefs…I wish it was that easy, but it wasn’t. It was a struggle, a fight within, and somewhere deep inside, my faith stood her ground (even when I thought my faith was low). My faith, with God’s words, is what has been helping me to get out of this funk I have been in.
I know our faith and belief is tested. I also know that our sins are brought to light to clean house. God is making us better, making us rely less on what we think we need, what we think others can give us, and to solely rely on him. As I learn to trust God more, believe more, one by one I am handing over control. Pretty damn scary if I must say, but also relieving… For the first time, I handed God my doubts, my fears every single day. Yup every day God would get my worries, my struggles with my belief, my doubts, my fears, and I would let him have them, and I continue to hand them over…every single day…