The other morning I woke up to “Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest!” It is a verse I know and try to think of when I am low on faith and belief. Yet, I wasn’t sure why I was thinking this. We continue to struggle and I feel as if the devil is breathing down our back, planting negativity, and putting a wedge, placing doubts all over.
I grow weary with the same old battles. It’s as if my adult life has been nothing but a battle with both money and food.
Money – Feeling deserved. Wow feeling of being justified – justified to spend what I want. Justified to keep what I want. That literally screams me, me, me! Nothing will change until I humble myself, and remove the god of money that seems to be wedged between me and God….between me and the man. I keep wanting things to change – wanting to be able to help the man way more – wanting my business to bloom – wanting to help my other daughter with her wedding – wanting to help my daughter at school. God will continue to work on me and refine me.
Food – I love to eat and I love food. This too seems to be a battle that I have faced for a few years. Looking back my real addiction to food came once I quit smoking. I won’t lie, sometimes I teeter that line of wanting to really smoke again. Too focused on the next meal – too focused on the foods I should eat – the foods I shouldn’t eat, which all in the end just makes my focus on eating….The god of food. So here I am wanting to weigh 30+ pounds less – wanting to eat completely healthy, natural foods. Yet I look at money…never enough to buy what I want…once again…me, me, me.
Yes I am weary, but yes I am truly thankful that God is a merciful, loving, patient God, that will continue to mold me and refine me. My mindset needs to change…my money and my food gods have got to go….Now I suddenly understand why I felt the need to read the books of the Major Prophets in the bible…