Today marks day 45 of counting and recording all calories (food/drink) I ingest. To be completely honest, I am really surprised I have lasted this long. I love food, love sweets and love salty! I have incorporated those into my days depending on the cravings. Some days have been better than others, and thankfully I have not gone over 1700 calories in one day. Weight loss is happening, slowly, but happening. Cloths are getting looser! I still have not weighed myself. I just am not caving into that temptation. I can be so fixated on the number the scale is telling me that I have let it have control!
Note here, on day 40 I sprained my ankle and have not been able to take my walks. Which I love because its a time I can just listen and hear God’s voice. So this has been a challenage for me. I have so realized I move A LOT and I am also very independant. Using crutches, and having a foot propped up is truly annoying me! I am begining to cave to the voice saying “Be still my child, be still.”
As previous mentioned, I am in a bible study group online, and we are currently doing a study on “Life’s Healing Choices Freedome from your Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits” by John Baker. It is an 8 step process. Choice 1 – Admitting Need (Needing God), Choice 2 – Getting Help (Believing & Seeking God), Choice 3 – Letting Go (Committing and Giving God our Life – all of it), Choice 4 – Coming Clean (Confess my fautls to God & one person) and Choice 5 – Making Changes (Humbly submit to God & allow Him to make changes).
So here I am stuck on Choice 3 and Choice 4. Just when I think I have let go of past hurts, past issues, something else pops up, so clearly I have more things from the past I am holding on to! Choice 4, taking a moral inventory, accept responsibility for your faults, ask God for forgiveness and admit your faults to another person. So here I am on choice 4, knowing I need to go through my life, recongize faults, and tell someone. I am an introvert, in the strongest sense, and there is so much that I tend to tuck away neatly, moving past, and moving on. When God shows you your faults, and cleans them up, the process is painfull but so, freeing. I have decided to go with one fault at a time, wirting them down. I also need to figure out who and how to unload to someone when I am never comfortable enough to do that?!?!?!
So here at Day 45, I have moved past food controling me. Still have my moments, but food is now losing! I have also accepted that I need to slow down, be still. Not sure what God has planned for this season in my life, so I am listening and letting go…letting go of thoughts, schedules, mindsets, items…..