, , , , , , , , ,

A few weeks ago we worked on Chapter 4, Coming Clean and this week working on Chapter 5, Making Changes (The book Lifes Healing Choices by John Baker). These two chapters seem to be difficult and eye opening. Chapter 3 opened up things in my past that I thought I had let go of yet proved to be difficult. For one I dont like dredging up things from the past. Good or bad, it happened, its over time to move on. Yet I realized that there was still some emotions, leading me to realize, yup chickie, you really just packed it away, never dealing with it…

Coming clean, is another eye opening chapter. Ok we all sin, we all know this, but really to sit and think about our sins, in the past and the present tends to open up guilt, or shame or even just wonder…what were you thinking! Yes, we were all teens and young adults. I myself drifted away from God. So here I am, a few weeks later, jotting down my sins, my faults. Not pleasant, but interestingly enough, eye opening. Some past faults, errors, mistakes, stupid choices, have lead me to some of my own insecurities now. So looking at those, reading those, knowing God has already forgiven me and moved on, truly makes me realize what an awesome God we have. Clearly I havent forgiven myself and I havent let go. Hopefully once I am satisfied with “my sin/fault list”, actually perhaps when I God has nudged me, I will burn the list…thus truly letting go. Coming face to face with your own personal demons is never easy, but to grow I have got to face them…

The Making Changes chapter is putting things in perspective. The past, the present…For me, I have realized I cant blame the past, I cant blame my quirks, or my own hereditary traits. I cannot be wrapped up and worried about being the perfect spouse. I cannot be wrapped up and worried about the mom I dont want to be. All I can do is truly let it go and give it to God, and allow Abba to guide me and direct my path. Easier said than done….