This summer seems to have flown by along with my intent on blogging more during the summer. Life continues to fly by way too fast and and control seems to have gone right out the window! For the first time in forever I am fine with God being in control and not me!
The only real area I maintain control is eating & recording my calories. Discipline… I am now on day 147. Truthfully, I never thought I would have gone this long, yet I realize these past few months it would seem God is taking in things I am reading and the sermons I hear. It returns back to control & discipline…realizing God’s in control and knowing I have to be disciplined.
So the past few months have been focused on letting go, much more so than ever before. If I am real, honest, this was not my choice, nor my path. To let go completely requires one to remember & accept, and essentially forgive, then let go and grow. The books I have read, the bible study I was part of, the sermons I have heard, and most importantly, what I have gleaned through reading the bible seem to have been strategically choreographed. Each element playing an important role, backing up and enforcing the other!
I have learned to really let go of the hurt that words from the past brings. Its amazing what one tends to pack away choosing to forget, yet allow it to continue to impact your life. A change occurred when I did the bible study “Life’s Healing Choices”. For me, remembering, accepting the good and the bad, and understanding why I do what I do, lead me to realize it was time to grow and let go!
This has also lead me to realize, my strengths, my weaknesses, my own personality is exactly what my 4 kiddos need. Clearly God has placed me as their mom for his purpose. Each one of my kids are so unique, and so much alike. Interestingly enough, 3 of my 4 kids are exact opposites of my personality. The introverted reserved mom raising extroverted, dramatic, comfort needing kids! Then add on a free-spirited daughter, and this mom truly questioned my ability to be her mom. However I am learning, just to talk to God, and pray, continuing to seek His guidance with each one of my kiddos.
Wish I could say letting go was easy, but its not. Wish I could say it was a one time process, but its not. Letting go is a daily battle I have to face. Some days are easier than others. Some things are easier to let go than others. Some days where the anger and pain just take hold and it takes time to get through then let go. Each step and each issue, I have learned to seek God and rely on Him.