Today marks day 12! 12 days of keeping track of everything I eat and drink along with walking. You can find me over at MyFitnessPal at firstname.lastname@example.org. I also have a Fitbit – email@example.com.
We are in week 2 of our “Life’s Healing Choices”bible study. First week was a bit tough and a bit eye opening. First we have to admit we simply are not in control…we are not God. Simple to an extend to hand over control, yet very difficult. We cannot control our image. We cannot control others and we most certainly cannot control our past. As I glanced and skimmed through, I knew I had let go of control but clearly I was hanging on dearly to something! So I asked, I prayed…
I let go of trying to control our free spirited daughter. Yes God & I talk daily about this daughter, but good or bad, ups and downs, I will go with God’s path with her. Listening to that ever small whisper from Him.
I let go of the past with the ex-husband. This I easily handed over a few years ago when I realized it truly had no bearing on my life today. Let me explain, he had a head injury and was addicted to pornography. There was also verbal abuse as well as an emotional void. Yup this would be where I learned to simply to be strong and pull myself up. Two years ago it just dawned on me to simply let it go. Couldn’t change anything and I realized God will at some point use it for his glory.
I thought I had let go of the whole controlling my image. It can be tough trying to wear different masks and trying to hid behind them. Yet I realized I have been trying to be perfect. The perfect significant other, the perfect mom, the perfect whatever…Whenever I failed at my constant perfection attempts, I would get so frustrated and tired. I simply felt like a failure. Lets be real here, no one is or can be perfect, other that Jesus. Yet I tried…
I realized that though I let go of my past, I didnt let go of everything. It would seem voices in my past still haunted me quietly. This would be the root of my need to be the perfect partner to my man and the perfect mom to my kids. Family…sometimes words linger…This part of my life that I have held onto will take some time to fully let go.
With that I moved into the 2nd week more determined and with a better grip on my eating. I am determined to let go completely of my past, but that God’s strength, guidance, power and love. So with that, each day I read His words and seek Him because I need to hear His truths.
This week I was reminded that God can calm the storm and can even raise the dead. He can most definitely heal me, and control my need to eat!