I do not believe that I have even “officially” been taught how to pray “the correct” way. In all honesty I have never even thought about it. (Yes, God is shaking his head at me right now…)
Perhaps I am off my rocker, but for years now I simply talked to God. He has heard my good, my bad, and my downright ugly. By ugly I mean my judgmental nature. He has heard the happy, the sad, the fears and the worries. He has also heard my prayer of relief when a prayer has been answered in the nick of time.
God for a long time didn’t hear my simple thank you or even a praise. I have been so quick to ask, complain, and get angry, but never took the time to simply praise & thank Him.
Lately, as I have relied more on him (still expressing my worries & fears), I have begun to simply praise Him & thank Him. I am learning to seek Him first and continue to pray for his guidance.
My view and my thoughts are a changing….
I will be the first to admit, the last thing I tend to focus on during hard times is finding praise somewhere. Yes I am the one who gets neck deep in the trial that I see nothing else. Blinders…it would seem I have blinders on, and crying to everyone about it!….That’s not what God wants…I am so good at placing blame on someone during trials. Let’s be honest, I don’t want to admit its my fault, it’s always someone else’s fault… “I am perfect, and did nothing wrong.” “Others are out to get me…”, and “I am cursed.”
The past few weeks I have learned a bit about myself, and continue to learn more about myself and God’s words in the bible. Frankly getting an honest view of myself, has not been pretty or easy. But definitely needed in order to place me where I need to be. It’s been difficult, and has pushed me to question my own faith. I have wanted to cry “uncle”, request a reprieve and even wanting to say I am just done!! Yet, the strength to endure seems to be refilled when I have reached the end of my rope. I have learned a bit about my weaknesses, and my own flaws. I now know how to better myself God’s way. Through it all, I will continue to praise and thank God.
Money also has been very tight, bills behind, partial paid, etc. My grocery budget has been cut by 1/3rd. For those needing a visual, it used to be $150 – $175, and now its $100 (if I am lucky). For a family of 5 it’s quite a challenge. No eating out, no extras… I could sit and complain to all about it, but seriously, complaining about it hasn’t even crossed my mind. Honestly complaining would take away from God’s glory.
For over a month God has amazed me by providing for us! I have spent less than $100 each week to feed us. Frankly there hasn’t been much of a choice. It’s what has been left. Well, let me rephrase that, it is what God has given me to spend on groceries. (God knows me well when it comes to money). Each week I take that amount and end up with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks for all of us. Each week I can’t complain, all I can do is humbly, wholeheartedly thank God.
I have always searched hard to find praise through trials….looking for the rainbow during the rain. I never had the faith or the eyes to really see the praise during trials. I think I was looking too hard with blinders on. Thankfully I have been blessed to see God’s Glory at least weekly.
I do not know if I am getting any closer to that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. (I hope I am) But until I have, I will continue to praise God through this storm….