Ever had the wind knocked out of you? Today has been that kind of day, or rather morning. I could look to place blame or I could even question God – why did you let this happen? – But deep down I know the truth. We let ourselves get side tracked, we listen to that little voice telling us we need this or we need that – hey it doesn’t cost that much. We allow ourselves to blame others. Why should we take responsibility?
I have also learned the dark one is quite good at laying on the negativity when we are down. He is quick to bring up the wrongs we have done, and swift to remind us we really are unworthy. So good at bringing up things that have nothing to do with the trial at hand! Each thought I have had to push out of my mind, letting words to Christian rock songs take over my thoughts and listen to God.
By the time evening fell I really wondered what can I change? What can I do differently? (Well me handing over all money I make is probably the only option I need to have!!) Aside from that, God reminded me of one of my prayers – “Take away my old emotional mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions & self-protection stance.” Though I am getting better (still have far to go), God reminded me that I am still clinging to my old emotional mindsets and my rude assumptions.
I can say without a doubt, today I turned directly to God, seeking forgiveness and seeking mercy. Which just goes to show me deep inside, even though I push her aside, faith is a strong force to be reckoned with! In times of trial, my faith seeks God like a boat seeks a lighthouse in a storm.
I am still battling my belief, my faith and my doubts, but today God won. It was God that reminded me that my past is forgiven, that I truly am a worthy daughter of God and that the past, is in the past. I know I am getting closer to God, and today I completely trusted him. I know God’s got this. I know that though the path is difficult, trials are rough, God’s got this and though I don’t want to continue to fight and battle, I know without a doubt the other side, that light at the end of the tunnel is coming…
Sure would like it to be sooner verse later J