Its me again

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It has been awhile since I actually blogged… over 2 years to be exact. Hard times, no. Busy life, no again… Allowing fear of me writing, and what others think stop me cold in my tracks…absolutely. Yet, constantly, that small nagging little voice has been persistent about blogging.

“Fear, he is a liar” – Zach Williams. 

 

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Humble

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Reading through my daily bible reading, devotions & email, there was that one steady word…humble

Bible reading: Proverbs 25:6-7 “Do not be boastfully ambitious and claim honor in the presence of the king, and do not stand in the place of great men; For it is better that it be said to you, “Come up here,” than for you to be placed lower in the presence of the prince.” (AMP Version). I immediately remember what Jesus tells us in Luke 14:10 “But when you are invited, go and sit down at the last place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher’; and then you will be honored in the presence of all who are at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who habitually humbles himself will be exalted.” (AMP version)

Daily devotions: Zig Ziglar “Thinking properly about ourselves is the first step. Instead of selfish ambition to achieve status, we feel secure in God’s love. Instead of conceit that we’re better than other, we value other highly. ”

Final daily email: Writer talked about a conflict and how she wanted to respond to the phone call “to prove how right I was and how wrong the other person was” (Lysa Terkeurst)

All of this had be thinking: am I trying to be right before man or God? am I trying to prove myself to man or God? I feel you can still be annoyed, angry, upset etc about something going on in your life, perhaps a co-worker taking credit, a situation where you know you are right, choices you make, wrong choices others make. At the end of the day, are we trying to be right before man? or before God? For me, most times I am trying to right before man, and God…

 

 

sm

 

 

Budgeting

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I am going to be honest…I am bad with my own money. I can seriously justify most non needed purchases, and even justify non-needed purchased as a need. When it comes to budgeting, well, I am bad. Yes, I am the bookkeeper, the accountant, that can’t seem to keep my own self straight…I have that one verse that likes to rattle around…Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot server both God and money”

So here I sit today, with only a few dollars in my accounts. Its the 1st of the month and clients need to pay me. Bills have been sent out. As I sit here, I think about my post last night…budgeting. Budgeting, which means I need to sit and get real about my money, how much I spend and where I actually spend it. Budgeting, many times I simply need to say NO and go on. Budgeting, a concept quite understood by me, yet something I completely run from.

I know God will provide. I know for years he has given us what we need, not what we want.

Time to roll up my sleeves….

Its about time…

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So I have this pretty planner that I bought back in December 2015. Just had to have it because it was going to get me organized and together. Yeah, here we are starting June, and the planner is sitting in my bag still unused…but I believe its time.

Its time for me to thing about, write down and try to carry out goals, budget money better, spend my money a bit wiser, to plan out my meals (well dinners). Its also time to be simply a better steward of my time and money.

Its also about time for me to make my way back to blogger. It has been a great outlet for the introverted person like myself.

So this planner will allow me to write down:

  • Thinks I want to accomplish
  • Home imporvments I want to make
  • People to connect with
  • Must do’s

I will also be able to write down my monthly budget along with a section to record my expenses. This one will be the challenge, since I am bad with money(well my own anyway)! I have a weekly plan view, which could essentially give me a week view of work, must do’s, and meals at a glance. Which I actually like this idea! Being able to see my week at a glance and meals.

So not sure how this will go. The planner is so pretty and I just dont want to mess it up! But I also wonder if fear is there, fear of failing, fear of not meeting my “goals”, and honestly, probably getting a much better look at myself, the good and the bad.

Yet here I go, June 1st….

Consider great things He has done

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1 Samuel 12:24 “Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.” ESV

Have you ever read a verse that seems to kind of roll around in your head off and on for a few days? Well this would be that verse for me. I am reading through the bible, and some mornings it seems more like a duty/chore. A few days ago I came across this verse….

The second part of the verse is what seems to stick. “For consider what great things he has done for you.” What great things has God done for me? Done for you? Are we trying to view/rate this “great things” through our eyes, our feelings, our desires, our wants? I can admit that what I consider “great things” are along the lines of materialistic and “pat on the back” kind of great things.

Great things – God filling our needs according to Him!

sm

Eating Right & Loving the body

I have made a year logging virtually everything I have eaten, with a few days of just recording minimal. So what has this formally 170-180 woman learned? There is simply no quick fix, no magic pill, no diet, no cleansing, no exercise that can EVER take the place of eating the right portion sizes and then knowing you’ve eaten your limit.

For me realizing/seeing portion size on everything I would eat/drink has been the game changer, the switch in my brain that so needed to flip. I have no doubt I was or was at least walking that fine line of being a food addict. I could eat and eat just because I wanted to, not because I need to. (this is still a battle at times for me) Now when I look at my food intake for the day, how much calories I had devoured, I pause questioning, am I really hungry and do I really need this.

I have also learned that less processed foods is WAY WAY better. Now we are on a tight budget, but with thinking, calculating, planing, I have realized it is so doable – and frankly the food is so much better and tastier. Honestly, I am not a cook and really am not a fan of cooking, but I am learning to like making homemade foods with natural ingredients.

So in my eating right journey, I continue to stay away from the scale. The only times I have been weighed has been at the doctors office. If I am eating healthy (for most part), and my cloths are still fitting (yup still in a size 10), honestly it doesn’t matter what I weigh. I still would like to be about 20 lbs lighter and down one more size, however, for the first time in my life I am truly fine with my own body. I have carried 4 babies (3 of which were born via c-section), and I have nursed all 4 kids. This is huge for me, me the insecure one. Me the one that noticed all flaws, me that listened to demons in my past.

There will always be days where I will eat more than I should and days where my choices are not so good. There will also be those days where I just “feel fat” but each day I maintain, each challenge I over come, the enemy loses!

2016 Word of the year

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So its that time to set my one word of the year. Interestingly, I didn’t pick out a word for 2015. By looking back, hindsight, my word should have been control. Not the let me gain/regain control, nope, it was the you need to let go of the control you think you have and give it right back to God. My steps, many thoughts, many prayers, that were based on realizing I cannot control people and I cannot control the past.

So here we are this year. It seems this year I am being pushed to declutter, reorganized, become organized and spend much, much less. Let me tell you that entails my house, my email, my money, my little bookkeeping business.

So my words of the year; declutter & reorganize. Honestly – this one I have no doubt is going to be difficult. I am so bad with money and yet interestingly very good with budgeting others money…little bit of faith and hope there knowing it IS POSSIBLE!

sm

Something new

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Isaiah 43:18-19 “Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. “Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.”

I opened up my Bible app, and Isaiah 43:1 opened up. As I was beginning to go to the home screen, Isaiah 43:18-19 was on my screen. OK God. For the past week I have been thinking of things in the past. Remembering the difficult time from Christmas eve 2014 thru to Jan 2015. This verse, taken in context, was to let the Jews know they should not remember what had happened but to trust in God – He will provide, He will create the path.

So as I soak in this verse, I am reminded I still have a habit of holding on…God is reminding me no need to dwell…let it go.

sm

2 Samuel 7:22

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2 Samuel 7:22 “Therefore you are great, O Lord God. For there is none like you, and there is no God besides you, according to all that we have heard with our ears.”

David always seems to praise God and sing his glory through all his ups and downs. There are days, times, where praising God seems a bit difficult. Through those hard times, the pain & the hurts, praising God & singing His glory aren’t very high on the list.

Life has thrown my curve balls, and I’ve pushed God away. Yet I have learned that it is through lifes hard times, the pain, He is right there beside me. He knows the road ahead, and he knows the pain of the past. Though counter intuitive, I am begging to learn to simply praise Him in whatever storm I am living in.

Are you praising God for it all? The Good? The Bad? The Ugly?

 

#31daysofblogging #day15 #alwayslate

sm